Author:Lex "Spork" Tenou
Warning/Disclaimers: Mild Spoilers
I watched you fight today. Your eyes flashing with that inner fire, your body twisting to avoid the blows aimed at you...it was pure poetry.
After you dispatched the youma, you turned and smiled at me, your hair wild and your eyes sparkling. I could feel my stomach flutter like mad. I wanted you to come over and kiss me, pressing your mouth against mine in abandonment of your usual decorum. I wanted to feel your arms thrown about my neck, holding you close to me as you gave yourself to me.
But you didn't.
You said we needed to leave before the student woke up. I didn't even notice you checking his vitals. You've often had that effect on me. In the middle of trying to do something, I'll be distracted by the smooth curve of your legs, or the delicate lilt of your laughter.
I don't know what more I can do to keep this under control. I've been considering trying to find a woman to substitute for you, but no one compares. I have no desire to be with another.
It's impossible to look at you and not crave your touch. Ache for your love. I spend so much of my time thinking about you that it's a wonder that I'm able to get anything accomplished, missionwise.
It's hell to watch you and know that each fight is an addition to your pain. To know that this will be yet another time that you have to add a shadow to your soul. I wish I could do as I desire, and take you into my arms, do nothing but hold you, healing you of this pain.
You'd laugh at me if you ever knew this, so I choose to keep you in the dark about this. To hide my true heart, as we continue our search for the Talismans. You cannot know my pain, as I cannot heal yours.
I find myself wandering off into dreams in the daylight hours. Random snippets that make no sense, but leave me aching for you even more.
Yesterday, I was doing a test run. After I got back to the pit and was filling out my report, my head swam and I had a flash of you, smiling warmly at me, clad only in a brief towel. The long line of your legs went on into forever as my eyes hungrily took in the pleasant sight. You turned to me, and your hand extended to meet mine. I reached over and plucked the towel from you as I pulled you flush against my own nude body.
I can still feel your skin against mine.
When I came back to myself, nearly ten minutes had passed. The mechanics were on their way over to see how I was doing on the evaluation.
When I woke up this morning, you sounded so surprised to hear that I knew it would be you on the phone. As I said then, who else would be calling so early?
Being with you at the beach was reward enough, I suppose. I got to walk with you on the shore, the waves barely lapping at the edge of your feet. The loose summer dress you were wearing enflamed my senses. Do you feel this flame that burns within me?
You mustn't know of these thoughts. They would compromise our mission, our lives, the very world we seek to protect. How could we continue to fight if you knew the forbidden passion I bear for you?
So I choose to keep this quiet, locked away in my heart. You must not know. And yet...
I watched you fight today.
So now I cry.
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