Painfilled Paradise
by Lex 'Spork' Tenou
"I love you." Michiru leaned back against Haruka, watching the moonlight as it spread across the calm ocean waters of Kaneohe Bay from their lanai.
"I know." Haruka hugged Michiru around the waist, pulling her lover's body flush against her own.
Michiru and Haruka watched the moon rise over the tranquil waters, the sound of the waves crashing on the rocky shore bringing a languid peace.
"Haruka..."
"Yes, dear?" Haruka dropped a absent minded kiss on the top of Michiru's head.
"Why won't you say 'I love you?'" Even though Michiru couldn't see Haruka's face, she knew that Haruka's expression was closed, mirroring the emotional distance Haruka was automatically putting between them.
Michiru pulled out of the embrace and spun around to face Haruka, the beginning of an angry spark flashing in her eyes.
"Don't."
"Don't what?" Haruka flippantly asked.
"Don't you pull away from me! I'm not asking you to tell me, not now..." Michiru reached up and cupped Haruka's face, forcing her to look into Michiru's eyes. "I just want to know why you never say those words."
Michiru saw the pain in the depths of her lover's eyes.
"I..." Haruka swallowed and closed her eyes, opening them a moment later and allowing Michiru to see the full depth of her pain.
"Oh, Haruka..." Michiru drew Haruka into a comforting embrace, telling her with a hug all that she couldn't with words. So much pain... Michiru's heart ached to see that much pain in Haruka's eyes.
Michiru led Haruka back inside, to the couch in the living room. Their bare feet made soft padding and squeaking sounds as they crossed the linoleum. When they reached the couch, Michiru pushed Haruka down on it.
"Stay here."
Haruka smiled a little.
"Woof woof."
Michiru's eyes narrowed a bit and then she smiled.
"Good dog."
Michiru walked into the kitchen and fetched two glasses of pinapple juice. With all she was planning on talking about with Haruka, they would need drinks to soothe their throats.
She returned to the living room to find Haruka staring blankly out the large sliding glass door that led to the lanai. She set the glasses down on the table and joined Haruka on the couch.
"Baby...look at me." Haruka turned her painfilled gaze on Michiru. "Talk to me, Haruka."
"What am I supposed to talk about?" Haruka's voice was thick with emotion she had no idea how to share.
"Dammit, Haruka, TALK TO ME! Cry, do something! You've been holding it all inside long enough...let it go, baby." Michiru's voice was pleading, trying to get Haruka to open up to her.
"Don't you know-" Haruka paused to swallow the growing lump in her throat. "Don't you know how much I want to tell you everything? All of it?"
Michiru drew Haruka into a strong hug. "Oh, baby..." Her eyes closed in sympathy for her lover's pain.
Haruka let out a short chuckle. Michiru drew back to look at her.
Haruka gave Michiru a small lopsided smile.
"Bet you never expected this when you asked me why I won't say those words."
Michiru caressed Haruka's cheek, looking deeply into Haruka's eyes, trying to find the depths of her pain. Haruka's expression sobered, looking back at Michiru steadily.
"Don't ever think that I'm trying to push you into saying anything, Haruka." Haruka reached up and grasped Michiru's hand, pulling it to her lips and placing a gentle kiss in the palm.
"I know, sweetie...I know." Haruka smiled gently, looking at their hands entwined before them. Michiru looked down at their hands.
"Still clean."
Haruka looked up at Michiru, a sad smile on her face.
"Yeah...still clean." Haruka placed another kiss on Michiru's palm and heaved a sigh, settling back on the couch, pulling Michiru into a comfortable snuggling position.
"Did I ever tell you about why I transferred to Mugen Gakuen in the first place?" Haruka asked in the quiet darkness of the living room.
"No." Michiru responded quietly, sensing that she was about to hear the main cause for the pain in her lover's eyes.
Haruka heaved a sigh and hugged Michiru a little tighter, her body starting to shake. Michiru adjusted thier positions, wrapping her arms around Haruka in a comforting embrace. Haruka buried her face in Michiru's shoulder, tears she couldn't remember how to shed making her eyes burn.
"I was 14." The words came out slowly, painfully. "I was living with my...father at the time." Haruka's body was shaking beyond her control. It seemed the only thing that was holding her together was Michiru's arms around her. "I was...dating...someone...at the time." Michiru's arms tightened around Haruka, her hands beginning to rub soothing circles on Haruka's back.
"Shhh...it's ok, honey..." Haruka's arms tightened around Michiru in response.
Haruka pulled away and lifted her head slightly and looked directly into Michiru's eyes. "I was...attacked one day after school."
Michiru pulled Haruka back into a tight hug. "Oh, baby..." Michiru began to shake along with her lover.
Haruka swallowed, pushing away the tears. "I told my father when I got home. He said..." Haruka paused, the rising emotion choking off her words and causing a fresh bout of shaking.
"Shhh....shhh....it's ok, baby...I'm here...shhhhh...." Michiru held Haruka in her arms, her eyes closed and thoughts of violence agianst those who had attacked her lover running through her head.
Michiru held Haruka tightly as she shook. The pain that she must have lived with and never having given a hint of it...it boggled Michiru. The control Haruka exibited over her emotions was amazing. It wasn't everyone who could have held it inside for as long as Haruka apparently had.
Haruka pulled away. She had to go, she had to run...get away, far away, can't feel this emotions bad, mustn't let this happen, have to go, go, go, GO!! RUN!!! GET AWAY!!!
"Oh, no you don't!" Michiru grabbed Haruka and pulled her arm. Haruka tried to pry Michiru off. "I'm not letting you get away from me. I will follow you wherever you go. You are NOT getting away from me." Haruka looked at Michiru, her eyes wild, head shaking no, no, can't, have to go, have to run, can't stay!!
"Haruka!" Haruka's eyes zeroed in Michiru's stern yet loving gaze. "Sit down." Haruka collapsed on the floor where she stood, unabel to fight against the flood of her emotions. Michiru heaved a sigh and scooted to the edge of the couch, her arms wrapping around Haruka's shoulders, her hands running through Haruka's hair. "I love you." Haruka nodded slightly, her head moving spasmodically as she shook wildly. "I'm here for you, baby." Another spasmodic nod and more shaking. "I'm not going to leave you. Not now. Not ever." The shaking slowed a bit, the words Michiru spoke apparently having a slight calming effect.
Haruka tried to speak. She told her mouth to open and her vocal cords to say the words, but nothing would come out. She wanted, needed to say something to show Michiru how much this meant. How much this was helping. She swallowed and tried one more time.
"I want...I want to say...The words...tell...how I feel..." Haruka finally found her voice, her words coming out haltingly, her diapragm and vocal cords not working in tandem, her voice coming out choked and spasmodic.
Michiru hugged Haurka tightly. "Shhh, baby...It's ok. I know."
Haruka shook her head violently, pushing away from Michiru, the need to make her understand driving her.
"NO! I have to say it!" Haruka pushed herself up moved so she could look directly into Michiru's eyes. "I..." Haruka grabbed Michiru's hands and held them tightly. "I love you."
A sweet and tender smile broke across Michiru's face.
"I love you, too."
A tremulous smile graced Haruka's face. She took in a shaky breath and let it out in a sigh.
"I didn't tell you what my...father...said after I was...attacked, did I?"
Michiru shook her head.
"It's ok, baby, you don't need to tell me."
Haruka raised her hand and covered Michiru's mouth, forestalling her words.
"You're wrong. I do need to tell you." Michiru's eyes showed her worry, but she nodded her acquiescence. "He...he said it was my fault for being..." Haruka looked down at their hands. "For being a cunt-licking dyke who doesn't know the true meaning of being a woman. He said the men who attacked me were only doing their duty as men."
Michiru was dumbfounded. How could he have said that? Haruka's own father! The pain her lover had been carrying within for so long must have been close to unbearable.
"Oh, baby..." Michiru took Haruka into her arms once more and just held her.
Haruka rested her head against Michiru's shoulder. It was such a relief to have told someone about the pain she was carrying... She felt the cloth of Michiru's shirt grow damp under her cheek. She raised a hand and brushed under her eye. When she pulled away and looked at it, it glistened with her long overdue tears. Haruka blinked a few times, her vision blurring as yet more tears swelled up in her eyes.
Michiru smiled gently at her lover. She traced the path of a single tear with her index finger.
"I love you, Michiru. I'm sorry it took me so long to be able to say it." Haruka's voice was so husky as to be nearly unrecognizable.
Michiru shook her head no slightly, indicating it was ok. She traced Haruka's features with her fingers, a small, sad smile on her face.
"I knew you loved me, Haruka. I always knew."
Haruka smiled a little through her tears.
"You could have told me."
A short chuckle emerged from Michiru's lips.
"And ruin the surprise? Never." Her hands continued to trace over Haruka's features.
Haruka, in a moment of absentminded free association, reached up and grabbed Michiru's hands. Michiru looked into her eyes, questioning.
"Do you understand why it was so hard for me to say those words?"
Michiru pulled her hands free and cupped Haruka's face, caressing it and then running her fingers through Haruka's short locks.
"You were dating a girl, weren't you?" Haruka nodded. "You told her you loved her, didn't you?" Haruka nodded again, her gaze dropping. Michiru forced Haruka's gaze back up. "Look at me. It's in the past. We are what matters now." A small flicker of hope flared in the depths of Haruka's eyes.
"They nearly killed her. She moved to Canada after...after the attack." Haruka looked up at Michiru, guilt and shame in the depths of her eyes. "The men had heard me telling her I loved her. That's why they attacked us."
Michiru wrapped her arms around Haruka once more, holding her close.
"Oh, baby..." She held Haruka close, wanting to absorb all her pain and take it away. "It's ok now, they can't hurt you anymore..."
Haruka buried her head in Michiru's shoulder, the tears flowing freely and conciously now. Her body was wracked with sobs as she let the bottled up pain from all those years ago flow through her.
After what seemed to be an eternity, the flow of tears trickled to a stop. Michiru's blouse had a large wet stain on it that Haruka immediately noticed as she pulled away.
Smiling slightly, she traced her finger over Michiru's soaked shoulder.
"Sorry about that." Her voice was huskier than normal, with a slight rasp from the abuse she had just subjected it to.
Michiru smiled and laughed a little at Haruka's apology for the blouse. Michiru leaned over to the table and picked up one of the glasses of juice, handing it to Haruka. With a grateful smile, Haruka gulped down the entire glass. When she was done, she let out a satisfied sigh then looked guilty as she realized she hadn't left Michiru any. Michiru smiled and took Haruka's glass, placing it on the table and retrieving the other glass of juice for a quick sip.
Haruka's hand tangled itself in the depths of Michiru's hair. Michiru set down the glass and looked over at Haruka, a warm and loving smile on her lips.
"I love you Michiru...thank you."
Michiru readjusted thier positions so Haruka was holding her in a reversal of their earlier positions.
"I love you too, Haruka...you're welcome." Michiru arched her neck and placed a kiss on Haruka's chin.
Haruka smiled into Michiru's hair and placed a kiss on the top of her head as the rosy dawn began to break over the tranquil waters of Kaneohe Bay, bringing in another perfect day on the islands of paradise.
~~~~~
Kaneohe is a real city and bay in Hawai'i. It is on the island of Oahu *cough tourists cough* and is one of the most beautiful, tranquil, deserted stretches of beach I remember. It is also a local's secret, BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!! TOURISTS WILL NEVER FIND IT!!!!!
I figured that Haruka and Michiru needed a Hawai'i getaway after the crap they were put thru in S. So, they have a timeshare on Kaneohe Bay. Nyah. =P
It's safer if you don't ask how I was able to write this so...uh...realistically? I dunno. Whatever.
Glossary of terms:
lanai.......a porch or balcony
attacked....she was raped, idiot
For those of you who need it spelled out, this is what happened to Haruka.
She had a girlfriend when she was 14. She was walking home from school with said girlfriend and told her "I love you." Some men heard her and attacked the two, raping and beating them. After Haruka took care of the girl and made sure she reached home, Haruka returned home. She told her father what had happened and he told her those men had done thier duty as men, showing a "cunt-licking dyke" what a real man could do.
~~~~~~~~~~~THE FOLLOWING IS RATED SICK AND TWISTED~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you don't mind, and you don't I'll just get on my lil soapbox now. Graphic description follows. Not for those with weak stomachs.
Ignorance leads to death. Plain and simple. Rape is a vile and ugly thing.*don't read the rest of the paragraph if you want to keep an appetite) Anyone who is a rapist deserves at the least to have their fingernails peeled off, layer by layer, their nose sliced off slowly, a spine-roller rolled across their back a few times...the first day. After a bit of recuperation(however long it takes to set up the next part and ensure the rapist will not die from their punishment yet) a session of whipping with a metal-tipped cat'o nine tails. The back should then be splashed with a bucket of salt water or brine. At this point, there should be a ball gag in their mouth, removed periodically to record the vile beings attempts to apologize and plead for mercy. A slow flaying and forced comsumption of thier own body should follow at some point. The punishment should finish with a slow impalement. How slow? Maybe a week between the initial insertion and the final push to puncture the skin.
Can you tell that I abhor rapists? Just below rapists are those who abuse others. In any way shape or form. Anyone who attacks or harms any of my friends will not live unbruised for long. Hurt me all you like...you touch my friends and I will track you down and render you unable to live unassisted.
That being said, I really do love people. Until you do something to offend or piss me off, consider yourself loved by me.
-Lex 'Spork' Tenou
Site design and layout by Taka Tenou.